Forgive me if I have related this story before but it was a very critical time in my initial awakening to the non-physical others who were encouraging me to try and work with them to offer connection to the spirit plane.
|Pieces of the Whole|
while the living sat in judgement - curious, cautious, hopeful, and in some cases completely disbelieving that I could present anything of earthly value;
concerned that I might cause more hurt and harm to the bereaved in light of that situation.
It could be daunting. Along with my own uncertainty of my ability, I would learn to disregard self-conscious concern about appearances and the desire to have every answer validated in some public form. I simply had to try and trust that I would make no mistakes on that higher plane if I could give up my worry about judgement by the living and trust my unseen guides and our non-corporeal connection. I could be wrong and right.
Again she replied and her answer was still, "NO." Given what I was getting from the guides -- that response didn't make sense. I had asked her if the name "Penelope" had any meaning for her.
This was one of the first times I sat for an open gathering and allowed for an interchange that included questions from those who had lost loved ones. It wasn't anything I was prepared for and I had to trust there was a reason this name issue was so important.
There were a dozen or so of us seated in a circle at the gathering. My guides had assured me there would be challenging questions and I would have to listen and learn and allow the session to lead me. This person was very adamant in her denial. As perplexing as that was, I sensed it was me who had to jump the hurdle. I had to let go of my doubt in my ability and my fear of failing to simply allow I had the right connection. I decided to opt for a more tactful approach.
I didn't usually get names and this was very specific and (to me) an odd name. Her unwavering second negative response and knowing others in the circle were observing made me hesitate but I could not stop. I felt a bit uncertain and considered dropping the question but then I asked silently for an assist. What could I do?
The guides had told me that sometimes it would simply be best to allow the person to give you the answer that was most important at that time. It would be their own answer and it was unimportant as to whether I was right or wrong.
Then the prod came from the guides. Ask again. I heard the name very clearly in my head. While waiting for that moment, I was gently redirecting the flow of the conversation and sharing the energy sensations I had been receiving during that time. The flow was soothing and had a pink light around it. The energy was visual and looked like a cloud.
I worried that the group was judging me in a sense that my asking the same question yet again did not honor her position. It would appear that I was callous in my refusal to accept her answer. It would appear that I had a problem with being wrong. I couldn't worry about any of that.
The unseen prod from my guides assured me I could handle being wrong. It wasn't my call. My job and my loyalty was, first and foremost, to listen to the guides and offer that information to the best of my ability, no matter what the external outcome or how it made me look.
When one works in the role of intermediary there are no losers or winners, no wrong and right, just messengers on the path. Light messengers. I swallowed my uncertainty and held strong to the vibration of the frequency. The name was "Penelope".
Out loud, for a third and final time, I would offer the person in front of me a chance to respond to the message. I apologized and then, in the most non-confrontational tone I could manage, I said, "I am told I need to ask again. Are you sure this name - "Penelope" - has absolutely no connection to you?"
Quite irritated by now with the whole thing, she looked me directly in the eye and responded with a tone of complete exasperation, "Penelope was her given name but WE never called her by that name. It was the name her family used."
Collective gasp in the room. That question wasn't about me being right or wrong. That question was the spirit of her deceased companion trying to get a message to her to let her guard down and open her heart. It was the one true sign of presence that I was not guessing or offering conjecture.
There is no one in my life, nor had I ever met a person named Penelope. I too was amazed. I could not have known it was the person who had recently died.
Her loved one was trying to offer a sign, there is no death. More information was given. If I had been less trusting of my guides and more concerned about the appearance of being right, I would have missed the opportunity to help her make a connection. I would have failed those in the non-physical realm. That was a breakthrough moment for me. I still don't know where my "answers" come from. It varies. I just trust they are there when they are needed.
What I remember after that is an amazing charge of positive energy filling me and that entire space. Her energy softened too. I saw the cloud of pink enlarge and fill the room. This channeling, intuitive ability thing would not be anything I could explain. Clearly, it would require me working without a net and trusting my guides -- no matter the outer appearance. I would have to rely solely on their direction.
One cannot work with spirit if one is not willing to let go of external judgement and crowd approval. That is the first test. It was an extraordinary night.
My non-corporeal friends don't wear bodies yet they are more than fluent in the language and idiosyncrasies of those who do and, when allowed, can offer comfort and reassurance to those in doubt and grief, wondering whether their loved one found their way home to the light on the flip side.
Very few get lost.
One day this won't be so unorthodox, this way of knowing. Two things I have learned: We are never alone and we are one in the light.